Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
