We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
