I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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