The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
