Screwed.edu
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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