$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
