so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
