Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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