she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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