Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
