Are we in a gay sports bar?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
