you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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