Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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