I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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