Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize