I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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