i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he thought i was a dude.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
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he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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