shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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