you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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