I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
