Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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