U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
