she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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