will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
