Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We are all done wearing pants today
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
