THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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