sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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