Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Bring me that man meat
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
