Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is not my ceiling
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
