I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
