I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
