I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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