god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have post one night stand depression
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