apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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