Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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