i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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