I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
