Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
