i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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