I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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