..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
