you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
