My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
