Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We left an ass print on the piano.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
