you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
