If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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