On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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