I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
