He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
