i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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