i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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