I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
