She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
