There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
