I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
