when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
