just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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