the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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