It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
