I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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