I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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