My cat gives me a boner
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
