porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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