he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Randomize