if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
