I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
